Image Credit: John Holyfield

Image Credit: John Holyfield

A Nigerian Pastor once said; “Chinese today, Sushi tomorrow, Italian next week. Sister Mary today, Lola tomorrow, Nkechi next week. Dating? Christians don’t do that!” I giggled at the time, not because I don’t like eating out but because I do not subscribe to the ‘trial and error’ pattern of 21st-century courtship. Consider this scenario;

Deji is a yam farmer; he spots Kemi at new yam festival seated with her parents. Each time he goes to the market he says hello to Kemi, he asks about her from her friends and family. He gets to know a little bit about her and decides he would like to marry her. So he tells his parents who approve and they all pay a visit to Kemi’s family. They have their introduction, and their courtship commences. Kemi has no fear of relationship breakdown as he and his family have already expressed a clear desire for marriage. Two months later, they are married, and Kemi moves into Deji’s hut. Herein is the beginning of their love story.

For many, the idea of the above scenario is so unacceptable that they ignore it. For me as far as fairy tales go, the one above is ‘it’ for me. However seeing as it may be an Igbo man, I guess palm-wine instead of yams would be appropriate. I cannot recall the number of times I have shared the above scenario with friends, some think it’s a joke, the others believe I’m serious. Whatever the case may be, I detest the modern day concept of dating. It feels like leaving pieces of ones self-littered about town only to be swept away. Many Christians have claimed that modern day dating is heretical. This may be true, but no one has given a useful blueprint that is applicable in today’s changing world. There are several books and doctrines on what Christian courtship should be, however, I have come to conclude that each person needs to be guided by God. Unless we all want to revert to the scenario above or opt for arranged marriages, in which case I will be a jubilant bunny!

All that is left is for us to interact without committing ourselves. It would be for us to meet in groups, at church or work and become better acquainted with one another. There is safety in numbers, and this applies in dating too. The dating possibilities are endless and ridiculous. Calling vs. texting. Texting vs. Whats-app. Whats-app vs. DMs. DMs vs. Skype. Skype vs. FaceTime. FaceTime vs. Whats-app call. Sound silly? Well, it isn’t as modes of communication are analysed and we ladies never do that alone.

Are Christians behind the times? Are we supposed to follow the trends and patterns? Should we all be like me, and fight dating until we give in? Or should we hold on to whatever our ideal courtship scenario is and pray God’s will be done? Joshua Harris wrote I kissed dating goodbye over a decade ago yet the concept still surprises many. Is it too much to believe that marriage without dating is possible? Or is that for simple minds like mine. After all; “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”Matthew 19:26

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Until next time! But for now, it is still Dami vs. dating?