I had a conversation with a friend a while back about deal breakers in relationships. According to her, everyone needed to have their deal breakers written down clearly with a plan not to deviate from them. We had been at an event, and she scanned the room searching for someone that would catch her eye. However, before even speaking to the people present she determined that the room full of bachelors was empty as far as she was concerned. One was too short, the other was ugly, another had a bad accent, one was wearing an ugly sweater; the list went on, and she is still single, I wonder why?
Now I suppose deal breakers are necessary, but where do we draw the line? When do we ignore negative character traits and focus on the positive aspects of the person? Now when I say deal breakers I mean things about a person that cannot be changed or that’ll need a higher power to manoeuvre. You guys recall that attempting to change another human being is futile; hence the adapt or die pattern many of us assume. So these deal breakers are not unrealistic, they are important and ingrained into the very fabric of who a person is. Things like how much money he makes, his height, his state of origin are not on the cards. However, his dress sense, where he lives and the car he drives are not going to be discussed either, because let’s face it, those things are easily modified without changing the person. So what are we talking about? Stick aroundWhen do we ignore negative character traits and focus on the positive aspects of the person? Click To Tweet
1) Different religions
This is important depending on the relationship you have with your God. If you are a Sunday to Sunday Christian, then a monthly Christian may work for you. But if your daily life is determined by your relationship with Christ then his relationship with his maker will matter to you.
2) Lack of interest
Women have often been advised that if a man is unable to declare his intentions and plans, you should say goodbye! Is this too rigid point or is interest flexible and subjective?
3) Alcohol, Cigarettes and other substances
A friend of mine says she has no problem with a man who uses all of the above, including what we term as ‘hard drugs’ according to her his use of narcotics does not change his love for her. Another of my friends will not go on a date with a man who drinks alcohol. Where do you draw the line with substances? Do you feel it is a negligible factor or is it important to you? How does one even draw the line with such subject?
Yes, this is on the list. Bad breath, body odour, teeth that are falling out of the mouth. Is this subjective or an objective measure? We can change smell, and teeth but can we change how a person cares for themselves?
I have heard women say that men are more physically inclined and women are more verbal. This is their excuse when men abuse their partners. Do you recall my article on domestic violence here? So where do you draw the line where anger is concerned? Is verbal aggression better than physical assault? What signs of anger do you look out for? How do you make a man angry enough to test his response? Is there a way to assess this before absolute commitment?
Over to you?
Did I miss out any other deal breakers? What do you think about the ones I listed above?
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Until next time, you know Dami loves to chat xx
Image Credit- Afro Emoji