Thank you to those of you who have supported this blog over the past few months. When I released my welcome post, I did not forsee this milestone. I did not think I would have reached it so soon either. This blog was birthed in a moment of courage after years of fear, a step of faith made against the anxiety fear had always managed to stimulate. Let me tell you something about my most recent journey with fear.
I recently made a visit to Nirvana Spa in Reading. One of the attractions at the spa is the celestial flotation pool. Benefits of this pool include healing, relaxation and tranquility. Due to the high concentration of salts in the water, all persons once relaxed are able to float with no effort whatsoever. You enter in, relax and float. However, I did not float; instead I came close to death and experienced the fear that comes when drowning is imminent. I needed to be rescued by staff.
Due to my experience other members of the party were weary, and I was disheartened. The option to try again was present, yet fear filled my heart. Fear of the unknown, fear of drowning, fear of my inability to relax and let go. The therapist said to me over and over again, “relax, let go, the water and salts will lift you.” Yet there I was hindered and unable to relish in what was supposed to be an unforgettable experience.
As I sat in that pool, stuck to the railings, crippled, I said to myself; “this has too stop”. I no longer wanted to be held back and hindered by my inability to live in the moment, to let go and allow God take true and total control. My actions in life may seem brave to some, and inspiring to many, but I am aware that many of my steps have been born out of fear.
Fear of the unknown
Fear of the known
Fear of love
Fear of rejection
Fear of my scars
Fear of the future
Fear of the past
Fear of not being good enough
Fear that my dreams are too big
This fear has permitted me to aim for average. This has led me to believe and accept the lie that ‘my best is good enough’ even when I knew it was average. This fear has held me back from living and chasing the dreams I once had. As wrote this, I said to myself ‘enough’. I know better, that is that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am only to fear my maker.
[Tweet “I refuse to be intimidated by the boldness of my dreams”]
I am learning to let go of my fears. I recently heard a preacher say; ‘when fear knocks, send faith to answer the door, you’ll find nothing there’. I am finding that statement to be as apt as any. This blog is proof of that. I am awakening to my purpose and refusing to be intimidated by the boldness of my dreams. I am learning to let go, to acknowledge the past but keep my eyes fixed on the future. I am saying to fear; “give it your best shot” as I remember the poem below.
Thank you again for your support, it has made me feel that taking this step was indeed worthwhile!