Over the past few weeks, I have become aware of how many relationships come to an end. Family relationships, friendships and romantic entanglements, even work relationships. Many times, we assume the feelings of others based on our incorrect presumptions. We need to remember that our feelings belong to us and us alone. Assuming that others share our opinion is plain foolishness and it is bound to breed conflict. This is how it goes; you assume something, you jump to a conclusion based on an incorrect assumption, the then you act based on a false assumption, you get a result based on your incorrect assumption. You repeat that cycle enough times, you lose your relationship. If X is not angry, do not say she is angry. If Y is not cheating on you, do not say he is cheating. If A tells you she is ok, accept that she is ok. I repeat this, do not ignorantly walk yourself into conflict. Here are the rules when your inner ‘cray-cray’ starts to jump like a Kangaroo;
1) Analyse your irrational thinking
If you have jumped to a conclusion. You know that you have made a conclusion as it is in your head. If you have jumped from the banks of the Atlantic to suddenly being in the Pacific. Your thinking was irrational; stop there. If all that has guided your conclusion is your interpretation of the facts, you may be wrong. Pause and analyse your thinking, do not under any circumstances act on it.
2) Shut Up
I have written a poem on this; you can read it here. Shutting up will get you far and help you maintain relationships. Speaking your mind and being open is good. But only open a door if someone is on the verge of coming in, if not, all you’ll get is the cold frosty air. Even the Bible says;
“Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.”
Isn’t that amazing, not everything needs to be said and repeated, it is the proven way to cause conflict that will never resolve. Many times we do things that we forget, however, it is how the other person feels that is important. If you keep acting and speaking based on your feelings, you will alienate those that are valuable to you.only open a door if someone is on the verge of coming in, if not, all you'll get is the cold frosty air Click To Tweet
3) Think of yourself less
After you have analysed your irrational feelings and decided to shut up, you can then proceed to this step. There I said it, do not be selfish. Conflict arises when people think of themselves more than they consider the opinions of others. They ask for the view of someone but value only what they personally think and feel. If you understand that the world does not revolve around you; high-five! Now put that into action. Think about how the stimulus you are interpreting may have to do with the other person entirely. Have you thought that perhaps they are going through something themselves. Or perhaps your actions have altered their behaviour towards you. Analyse yourself and then focus on the other person. At this point you can approach them in meekness, asking about attending to their needs. Seek to serve the other person instead of fulfilling your selfish desire to reach an incorrect conclusion.
There it is! Three cardinal rules to save you from jumping to conclusions. Foolishness is very common. Pause before you do anything; it will make you appear wise.
Until next time! Do not jump to any conclusions today.