When I read an article on TNC recently my heart sunk yet again as I faced the reality that it is, in fact, a man’s world. Women have been fighting for almost a century for equal rights in the feminist movement. Feminism is millennia old, as women like Guinevere and Lady Godiva remind us that women have always been termed the weaker vessel.

The article I read aimed to remind women that when a man decides to be married, his past does not matter. His past and current relationship status is not a factor to be considered. Time is irrelevant and his current relationship status is immaterial and not a factor in his decision-making process. The article so well written served as a bitter reminder that the old school warning of  ‘girlfriend material vs. wife material’ was never an old wives tale. The writer (male) reminded women that a man’s desire to marry is based on his innate feelings and it is at the point he decides to marry that he makes a choice of wife. The man who is ready to be married decides what he wants in a wife and goes out to find it, and put a ring on it. As a result, a woman in a relationship with said man may not be considered even though she had been ‘the one’ for decades.

I happen to agree that no one can force a man to marry them. I stand by the statement that if a man wants to stay, he will stay and if he wants to leave he will do so. No amount of money, children, food or even voodoo can keep a man who wants to move on. What about the women? The women who are hurt in the process. The one whose are heart is broken when she is told coldly one day that she didn’t make the cut. What happens to the girls who gave their all but have now been told that it was never good enough to begin with? Yes, life is not fair.

Women need to wake up! Stop waiting for him to decide you are the one! Stop putting your life on hold because ‘they’ said that is how to catch a man. Do not live a mediocre life because you think it will make someone else happy. Please stop giving your all to please someone who will not give anything in return. Do not make your happiness ‘human dependent’. Re-evaluate and take stock. Pursue that career, take that trip, make that investment! Do not allow anyone to tell you that men do not like ‘this and that’, because based on that article men do not know what they want until they want it! Be wise! You were born alone; you will die alone and you will give account for your life alone!

If you are living below your purpose in hopes that you catch another man with a fragile ego, what says you’ll get married? What says you’ll be happy? What says you’ll have done the right thing? Start making the right choice from today? Look at yourself, write down your goals and pursue them! Emotional, spiritual, financial and physical investments in any human (friend, man, stranger or family) must be analysed or else you will reap no return. You wouldn’t buy a house when you know it will only depreciate, so why do that in a relationship? If it is marriage you want, please open your eyes, if he is not on the same page, do not start what he cannot finish! The old wives were right, perhaps we have to be wise in what we allow our hearts to do.

Here at DamiLoves, we love romance, we love marriage, and we appreciate men. However, we support women living a full life not hindered by the dictates of a fallen society and frustrated generation.

Women, we need to remember these three things,
1. You cannot change a man. God can change him, he can choose to attempt a change, but you can never change him. Even if you fly at night.
2. You were made perfect in the image of a perfect God. A man can only complement you and not complete you. If you expect to be completed by a human being, you will be disappointed.
3. It is your right to live a full life. Regardless of your relationship status. Singleness is not a curse and marriage is not always a blessing. Your life is yours to live, take a chance and live YOUR life!

What do you think? Are the old wives correct? Is marriage a do or die affair? Is it really a mans world, or have women chosen to allow men to believe this?

Do share your thoughts below. You know Dami loves to chat!

Until next time


You can read the TNC article here  that sparked this DamiLoves debate!!


image credit – Sonata by Edward Clay Wright


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