Pastor Adeboye, the general overseer of the RCCG, recently spoke to the youths of his church. He made some statements regarding marriage and the internet has been filled with memes and videos mocking him for his statements, while middle-aged people sit silently and observe. Women are arguing that his sermon propagates the oppression of females in the home. According to a recent poll involving Nigerian men, they report these men desire only sex from a future wife, but I disagree with that; because sex is cheap in today’s world, marriage is not. His message has caused a stir, but I am not certain why. Do you know why?sex is cheap in today’s world, marriage is not Click To Tweet
What he said. He said if a woman cannot pray for an hour, do not marry her. I think he was referring to a woman’s level of spiritual development. God may not measure prayer in human terms, but praying changes us. It shifts our focus. As a result, we are not so earthly in our thinking. Is praying for an hour a requirement, I do not think it is, but if you want a home based on Christian principles, marriage to someone who is growing and wants to improve is important. I hope the men are praying too?
What he said. He said if a woman cannot cook, do not marry her. I realise that this is a touchy subject. I once asked an aunt of mine why cooking was an essential skill before marriage; she said something I will never forget. She said it was not for marriage, but for motherhood. I know several men who do not mind being with women who cannot cook, however, when children are in the home, what they eat is paramount. Food affects our emotional, intellectual and physical development. However, is cooking only up to the mothers?
What he said. He said if a woman is lazy, do not marry her. I assume this goes for both parties. Diligence is important in all spheres of life. A slothful person can only be tolerated for a given period surely? He suggested that a woman who is lazy when she is single would not be able to cope with the demands of motherhood. I suppose children would either worsen her laziness or make her want to improve. However, what about lazy men, are they not infinitely worse?
Captivated by the World
He said young men should not marry ‘worldly’ girls. There would need to be a definition of worldly as this is certainly generational. I believe he meant a woman taken over by lusts of the flesh and the eye, he possibly meant a woman who is materialistic. However, my grandmother thinks my nail polish is worldly so I’ll let you decide. What is your definition of worldly?
Based on his cultural and Biblical background and understanding, I do not think he said anything wrong. The Proverbs 31 woman prayed, and worked; yes she had servants, but she was not lazy. The Titus 2:4-5 woman was a homemaker, and I feel this is imperative for a woman. The state of a home can create peace or chaos, a woman’s touch is crucial. P.S. check out my Pinterest home organisation board for homemaking tips!
Make your rules
A friend of mine in his twenties has repeatedly said that he could not marry a woman who could not cook, this man also has no intention of receiving any financial support from his future wife. Those were his choices, and I have to respect them. Because of this, I cannot fully disagree with what Pastor Adeboye taught; I am still considering the place for these gender roles is a 21st century marriage. Many have insulted and said cruel things about Pastor Adeboye for his comments, but I wonder why? He did not say anything that was wrong in the cultural context in which it was given. After all, he said the same things many of our parents and grandparents have re-iteratted to us in the past.
I think his statements made many women feel this was the entire point of the feminist movement. I also felt that choosing a wife based on these qualities may be a bit superficial, after all do women refuse to marry men who are not good at DIY?. It was when I began making a case for the needs of a modern woman that I heard an elderly woman speak on the issue. She said ‘nwọn si tàn ara wọn’ in reference to the women who criticised Pastor Adeboye which means ‘they are deceiving themselves’. Is there an element of truth in that?
It’s your turn
What did you think of the sermon he gave to the youths? Do you agree with his points? Are they the thoughts of a wiser person, or evidence of a generational gap? Is the wisdom of the aged supposed to be taken whole or do we only accept the desirable parts?
What qualities do you think a woman must possess in order to be a good wife?
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Until next time.