I dedicate this poem to all the women who declared 2015 to be the year of Bae or The One. Please, if the one you found or the one who found you is a clown, Hear word now! RUN. 2016 is another year .


That moment he says something that makes you want to stop listening
He says something insignificant
Something that opposes the core of who you are
something important
Like saying he was a serpent
A friend of the devil
Like saying his religion was not the same as yours
Like saying your God was not the one true God
Like him choosing tribe over heart
Him choosing lust over life
Something happens when he speaks, you want to listen
Your wagging lips sit still, and your ears awaken
He said those words so quickly to you
Though his words were not meant to harm
You must run.
Do you hear me? Pack your bags and run
There is nothing to be done here
Nothing to see, my darling do not linger there
There are rules to follow, by these laws you must abide
If you try to disobey, you will loose
If you pursue, you’ll hate what you catch
Let it go now while you have a chance
There is no grace in crowning a clown
Such efforts are futile at best
Your bae is not a clown.

-Damiloves

Photo from 23 Nov 2014

Before the year ends and the 2015 round up closes, I would like to share the top 10 posts of the year. Ranked 1-10 in order of most views, I am elated each time a post is loved and shared. Do you want to know something else I love? Comments! So leave a few of those below!!

  1. Peter Bello – the death of this bright young man caused me to reflect on my life, how I lived it and whether or not I was adding value to the lives of others.
  2. Silent Victories – Inspired by an image on Instagram, it was evident, that there are so many battles that God fights on our behalf. So many of us are oblivious to the amazing benefits God loads us with daily. We must be grateful always.
  3. I wanna be like you – Day 28 of the 30 day open letter challenge an open letter to someone who impacted my life
  4. Daughters who walk this path- Book review – I loved this coming of age novel by Yejide Kilanko. It tells the tale of Nigerian young women and their liberation from the chains of their past.
  5. Fear – Post 100! I need not say more!
  6. To Marry an Igbo Man –  I openly pondered some cultural differences that may arise when a Yoruba woman marries an Igbo man.
  7. Love Notes to the Men in My Life – Men read love notes too
  8. nice Nice – everything about my trip to Nice was nice. See what I did there
  9. Time, Time, Time – All good things come to those who wait. There is no need for envy, stay in your lane, your miracle is on the way.
  10. A Dangerous Yes – Leaps of faith are just that; it’s following the voice of the Lord and going where He leads. This leap of faith has taught me many things, Some of them more surprising than others, but I am still waiting to see how the story unfolds.

There you have it the top 10 posts of 2015! I’m glad you enjoyed reading them as much as I loved writing them!

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Until next time. Dami loves!

Tell me a secret
a secret about me
tell me something about me that I do not know
show me the things I do not see
What about my presence makes you smile
what about my voice lifts your heart
come here, come closer
I’ll bring my ears in to hear you
whisper my name like a melody
like something the Angels sing
like my life was a love poem written by God himself
tell me a secret
a secret about me
why do you watch me the way you do
and chase me like you had nothing else to do
show me the beauty that I never saw
and the angel you swore I was
you have to tell me why
Or I’ll believe it was all a lie

-Damiloves

Agbalumo ice cream

This post is ice cream related! As I’m sure, you know that ice-cream drama is my go-t0 bad-day food. Calories have never tasted better than in ice cream and cake is too heavy to eat when you’re crying. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
However, I found ice-cream that I ran to over and over again, and tears were not the reason to indulge. Zobo and Agbalumo ice-cream! (more…)

watch out for the happy ones,
they cry themselves to sleep

look out for the courageous one
he is the one who fears all heights

take care of the dependable one
he has no helper to run to

beware of the honest one
she has the most secrets to hide

have you met the encourager
her insecurities keep her up at night

the one who smiles
is frowning within

the one that dances
is crippled, unseen

the stoic one falls the hardest
not everyone’s pain is plain to see

-Damiloves


Image Credit: Henry lee battle- this too shall pass

Yoruba woman. Nigeria

I can’t believe today is the 25th of December! The year seems to have come and gone as a ‘coup de foudre’ . Here is wishing you a wonderful Christmas and hoping you were able to share love those around you. Remember, Christ as the reason for the season! Don’t stop giving. Make sure you save some Turkey for next weeks lunch!
Until I come this way again!

Have a Merry Christmas, from my family to yours!

Dami loves Christmas

Solape is crying, she said her lover is gone
Solape is weeping she said he came and took it all
She said she’s leaving the land of the living
Solape said she’ll marry but never love again

Solape is crying, she asked her lover to return
Solape is saying they shared an eternal bond
Solape says her empty womb won’t let her sleep
She said she gave her heart for him to keep

Solape’s heart is broken, she said it was real love
The elders have concluded, it was never love at all
Solape said her lover made her feel things in very many ways
The elders said; ‘lust is a spirit, it is transferable always

Solace married Kunle he was a pious man
Her mind often left Kunle and dreamt she was in her lover’s arms
Solace kept wishing that her lover would return
Kunle kept asking; ‘My God, what have I done’

lust is a spirit, it is transferable always Click To Tweet

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Where are you really from; my answer, Nigeria.
His response, “you are better off here”, my retort, nothing.
Nothing because I cannot yell, I cannot scream.
I cannot at the top of my lungs speak about the sickness that ails me and my inability to speak my words.
Better off here? Better off where? Better off anywhere but Borno?
Better off here where my hair is not flat, and my skin is not soft.
Better off where? Here where my soul cannot dance to the rhythm of the rainstorms.

Where are you really from? Oke Ado! A place I have never known, where my blood is from, and my palate was born, yet it is a place I have never seen.
Better off where, here? Where my name is absurd and shortened for fun. Better off where? Here? Where my empty bed is deemed a curse, and my flattened nose is called a snout.
Better off here? Where the impression of lies is better swallowed than the truth, and I cannot behold my love in the eyes.

Here? Where nowhere? You are right. I’m better of here though the stares freeze my bones yet it’s not the harmattan that chaps my lips. Though my love is rejected, I don’t have to claim the one that doesn’t exist.
Though my intelligence is questioned, I don’t have to bend my knees before I speak.
Though my solitude is exaggerated, it is better that the noise that muffles my voice. He asked me where are you from? I said Nigeria. He said to me you’re better off here. I said nothing. He assumed I agreed.

I recently had a chance to watch “Far from the madding crowd” a 2015 adaptation of the book of the same title by Thomas Hardy. I was aware that it was a coming of age story of ‘Bathsheba’ who inherited a large farm from a loving uncle. Throughout the story, it is evident that Bathsheba is an intelligent, independent and strong-willed young woman. She made the error too many women make when choosing whom to love. Yes, I said it, love is a choice!
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the law of shut-up is not hard
practice it often, and you will become a master
shut-up every day and you’ll see
the law of shut-up will set you free
not all things need to be said
not all offences must we tell a friend
when this law is part of you
others will learn to shut up too
the law of shut-up is not hard
practice it often, and you will become a master

-Damiloves


image credit; humanevents.com

Image Credit: Disney

Image Credit: Disney

Over the past year, I have realised that there are many things I thought I wanted that I truly have no desire for. There are many dreams I thought I had, some were never really mine, and some were mine but have evolved as I have grown older. Two days ago I had a bad day at work, nothing specific happened, but as I drove home, my spirit felt weary. I was convinced that making some chocolate cupcakes would brighten my day and make up for the dark cloud about to fall on my Tuesday. However that changed once I got into church for bible study. Once the study was over and I began to fellowship with other church members, I realised that I had in-fact not had a bad day, but my perspective of the day was altered. I had placed my focus on the wrong thing and had the wrong expectations. I had expected the day to conclude with no highlights, I wanted to go home curl up in bed and go sleep. Instead, the beauty of the day became the things I learnt and the fellowship I shared in two hours out of twenty-four. (more…)

Polygamy! An integral part of Nigerian history and culture. Polygamy, not limited to the illiterate, not refused by the educated. Polygamy, is it really the right of an African man? Lola Shoneyin tells the tale of Bolanle an educated young woman, brought up in a ‘Christian home’, who agrees to become the fourth wife of Baba Segi. A Yoruba man. A Nigerian man. A man who allows lust to become his undoing. (more…)

Tell them I’m still here
Tell them that I am still breathing
Tell them that I still fear
Yet my feet are still moving

Tell them you did not find me there
lost among the shadows
Tell them the vacuum did not overtake me
Tell them I did not dwell there

Tell them I smiled at you
though the sorrow was scorching
it did not steal my my joy
Tell them that I’m still laughing

Tell them when you return
that you saw me struggling
You saw me stretching and yearning
Tell them I did not give up

Tell them I know what my blood smells and tastes like
Tell them blood does not frighten me
Tell them death came and did not kill me
Go ahead. Tell them

-damiloves

“We are unutterably alone essentially, especially in the things most intimate and most important”- Rainer Maria Rilke. I came across the quote above about a decade ago. I was a teenager learning about poetry, as I read Letters to a young poet. It struck me at the time that Rilke felt that we were all alone in our struggles, and triumphs, I had initially thought I felt that way because I was a teenager that felt alone and misunderstood. However, as I have grown older and observed those who are wiser, I have to agree that each and everyone of us is alone and it is a fact we need to acknowledge early on in life (more…)

credit: http://fidesnigeria.org

credit: http://fidesnigeria.org

I have often joked to my family and friends that if I were to marry a Nigerian man he may likely be from the South/South Eastern parts of Nigeria. Why? I haven’t the faintest idea. However, I recently came across an article by Vera Ezimora where she satirically discussed the issues that may arise when Yoruba’s and Igbo’s become one in marriage. In Vera’s case, she is an Igbo woman married to a Yoruba man, I nodded and laughed at some of the items on her list, you can read the article here. Lo and behold, after watching the video below, I realised that there are subtle cultural differences which are able to wreck unnecessary havoc in homes, satire aside.
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Forgive my colour
I was not born this way.

black

Forgive my speech
my tongue was twisted that way in the south
forgive me
that my audacity is simplicity
my boldness is humility
my drive is born from fear
forgive me but I am not me here

I am tempered, I am reduced,
I cower and my head is bowed in shame
forgive my colour I did not know it before I came here
before your words would freeze my bones
and stares the ice would burn my eyes
forgive me, but I did not know that black,
was the colour that best described me
black, like the coal that miners find
black, like night the with empty skies

forgive my lips full and thick as they are,
I did not realise that my features would offend you so.
I carry on my back the scars of the tribe that raised me
the women who bore me and paved a way for me
forgive my smile, it is here for your protection
so you aren’t offended by the harsh features of my face
Please forgive my colour, I’m learning to forgive it too

-Damiloves

Let us talk about love today. In recent times, I have heard people, females mostly claim to have lost the love of their lives, declaring they loved once and will never love again. These people all claim that ‘the one’ came and left and there will not be another ‘one’. However, when you listen to their stories, it is evident that often there is a reason ‘the one’ did not stay, or ‘the one’ was not a good one. There are approximately 7 billion people on the earth, do you really believe that only one of them is the one? If you do, then do you live your life based on serendipity alone? Because that’s the only way to believe in the myth of the one! (more…)

30 before 30

dreams

I always assumed I’d write a 25 before 25 list and although I wrote one down in my mind, I never actually did in reality. It is too late for a 25 before 25, but I have ample time to achieve a 30 before 30. So here we go;

1. Visit all the continents (not necessarily antarctica)
2. Speak Yoruba fluently
3. Go bungee jumping
4. Go skydiving outdoors
5. Publish at least two books
6. Buy/ build a house
7. Give my parents an invaluable gift (to be fair I know they want grandchildren, but that is kind of out of my control really )
8. Knit a sweater for someone else
9. Fly a helicopter/ aeroplane
10. Learn to swim
11. Climb a mountain
12. See the 7 wonders of the New world
13. Fly in a hot air balloon
14. Run a half-marathon
15. Visit India
16. Go on a safari
17. Plant a tree
18. Make a quilt
19. Cook all the Major Nigerian Soups
20. Read all the books published by Wole Soyinka (working on my library)
21. Sew a dress
22. See the Northern lights
23. Go on pilgrimage to Israel
24. Find and use my spiritual gift
25. Attend a theology class
26. Read the Bible 10 times (cover to cover)
27. Read the Qur’an
28. See the Sistine Chapel
29. Float in the Dead Sea (not a repeat of this)
30. Have a prayer partner

There it is, my 30 things to do before thirty! What is on your bucket list?

Hello friends!

Here we go, the 2015 round-up begins. A post a day throughout December. 2015 in retrospect! Today’s post; the year in pictures. I have gone through all my albums and chosen the pictures that made me smile. These moments were not necessarily the only highlights of my year but they are the moments that contributed significantly to making me the woman I am as the year comes to an end. There are a lot of food and cooking related pictures below, not sure if that says something? January to November. A year in retrospect. Enjoy 😃