Hello, friends!! We are back with a new instalment in the virtuous enterprise series. If you missed the last few interviews, feel free to read them here. I hope you took advantage of Tosin’s discount off items at zerefashionhouse. Now, let me tell you a little story of providence that explains how I managed to get Ruth Yimika Awogbade on the line up for the virtuous enterprise series.It is also evidence that only those who receive have asked and that the things you desire can come true if you prepare for all possible eventualities.

So when the series was still an infant lurking somewhere in my dreams, Ruth’s name was on the list. Ruth Yimika Awogbade is the CEO of Magnify magazine, a publication that prides itself on faith, feminism, and fashion. Damiloves lovers will know that I get excited when faith and feminism are combined. Ruth was recently listed as one of the 20 most influential black Christian women in the UK by Keep the Faith Magazine, she is also a board member of the Evangelical Alliance. I was certain that I wanted to interview her! I had read issues of Magnify, and I wanted to meet the beauty and brain behind the clean crisp yet loaded publication, that is the Christian woman’s fashion magazine of the century. How, did it happen you may ask?

In February I attended an event that was hosted by one of my mentors and her husband in London and while sat at a table chatting with several young women, guess who walked in? Yes! God did it! Ruth and her fiancée Ayo walked in and took a seat. Ayo, Ruth’s fiancé, was speaking at the event on being a purpose filled Christian single and I was excited because I had brought my business cards along with me!

I eventually walked up to Ruth full of fear and trepidation; I knew the worst thing she could say was no. But she said yes to my proposal and took my business card, and I left feeling glad, I had fulfilled purpose ! The way a prepared boy scout feels when he successfully lights a fire on a camping trip, with a spare box of matches.

In this month’s interview, Ruth encourages and challenges us to be diligent; she reminds us that dreams are not enough without hard work to back them up. I hope you enjoy Ruth’s interview on Damiloves; I know I certainly did. (more…)

I am back again with some personal hygiene tips that I feel are necessary to re-iterate though you may have heard them before. If you haven’t, try to consider them and apply them to your daily routine. It is important to do certain things right that’ll pay off in the long run, as we know, the easy way is not always the best way. Remember, your habit becomes your lifestyle so pick good habits. (more…)

When Tobi Oredein founder and CEO of Black ballad’ responded to my email, I knew God was certainly in my favour. She responded positively with such kindness that I was taken aback. You see Tobi is the founder of what is soon becoming the UK’s leading lifestyle destination for black British women. (more…)

I recently heard a well educated Nigerian woman discuss her circumcision on TV. She explained that she was circumcised on the seventh day of her birth the same way the male children were. Upon further enquiry, she explained that circumcision was emphatically not the same thing as female genital mutilation. I was not sure about her explanations, and decided to do some research on the subject, here is what I found. (more…)

I had a conversation with a friend a while back about deal breakers in relationships. According to her, everyone needed to have their deal breakers written down clearly with a plan not to deviate from them. We had been at an event, and she scanned the room searching for someone that would catch her eye. However, before even speaking to the people present she determined that the room full of bachelors was empty as far as she was concerned. One was too short, the other was ugly, another had a bad accent, one was wearing an ugly sweater; the list went on, and she is still single, I wonder why?

Now I suppose deal breakers are necessary, but where do we draw the line? When do we ignore negative character traits and focus on the positive aspects of the person? Now when I say deal breakers I mean things about a person that cannot be changed or that’ll need a higher power to manoeuvre. You guys recall that attempting to change another human being is futile; hence the adapt or die pattern many of us assume. So these deal breakers are not unrealistic, they are important and ingrained into the very fabric of who a person is. Things like how much money he makes, his height, his state of origin are not on the cards. However, his dress sense, where he lives and the car he drives are not going to be discussed either, because let’s face it, those things are easily modified without changing the person. So what are we talking about? Stick around (more…)

I recently heard that Linda Ikeji, Nigerian mega-blogger reportedly stated emphatically that she could not be with a man who was not successful. Several women proceeded to chastise her of the words expressed explaining that all men will attempt to stifle their wives. As a result, she was advised that her financial success was not good for a relationship. I thought this was interesting advice, and I have proceeded to give you advice on five things to do if you find yourself in the unfortunate situation of making more money than your man. (more…)

I recently came across a video by ‘Battabox Nigeria’ where women in Lagos were asked how many boyfriends they had. The consensus was that most single women especially those in university had a minimum of two boyfriends at any given time. It appeared that many of these young women had a man for multiple life needs and they did not find this arrangement to be problematic. I found this to be startling because I assumed that the word ‘boyfriend’ suggested an element of exclusivity but I was proven wrong after I asked, searched and enquired. (more…)

I recently found myself engaging in an argument with someone who I thought was wise but proved not to be. She explained to me that women were often the instigators of rape based on their attitudes and their dressing. When I asked her why women in the middle east who wore burkas could be raped, she said they lured men with their walk and eyes. I proceeded to roll my eyes, kiss my teeth, walk away like a duck and suggest she stick it to herself. (more…)

President Buhari, of Nigeria, recently said his wife belonged to the kitchen, the living room and the ‘other room’ after she criticised his political decisions openly. When this occured, some women were livid, while others supported his claims. Several men came out to say he was correct, while others claimed he was wrong. I was tempted to ask the men in my life, where they felt their wives belonged; the other room, the kitchen, or the boardroom. Apparently, most people have accepted that the ‘other room‘ was a reference to the bedroom stating wise women have mastered the skills of manipulation in there. (more…)

Eight female anchors on ‘Egyptian State Television’ were suspended recently due to their weight. Their bosses blatantly told these reporters that they needed to lose weight, or they would not appear on air. Feminists were livid they cried discrimination, while some said that if they see a face they do not like on TV, they change the channel subconsciously. What do you think; do you believe in their philosophy of ‘lose weight or get lost?’ (more…)

If you haven’t seen the foreverduncan hashtag, where have you been? African American women have been raving about this for the past week, so much so that African women worldwide have joined in the frenzy. #foreverduncan is the tag that has followed Alfred Duncan, who proposed to his girlfriend Sherrell at noon and surprised her with a wedding at 6pm on the same day. Videos of their union spread over the internet like wild fire, you can see Sherrell crying tears of joy as she is overwhelmed with emotion. Yes, I admit I was one of the women who watched the video in awe and admiration, that was before the memes started overflowing. When the memes arrived, I had to laugh because let’s face it, men of African and Caribbean descent have had a tough time proving their manhood. (more…)

The word ‘bitch’ has been used to refer to women worldwide as a result of their ability to succeed. Women instead of being called ‘boss’ are called ‘bossy’ and rather than being called successful, they are being called ‘bitchy’. Most successful women worldwide have been called a bitch at one point or another in their lifetime, and this cuts across most cultural barriers. After all someone said ‘well behaved girls rarely make history.’

(more…)

Hello, ladies, I realise that the topic of today’s feature is a little ‘out there’ however, speaking about this issue is necessary, and I’ll tell you why. I recently had a conversation with a friend who informed me that due to her light periods she often would use one super tampon a day not changing until the morning after. According to her because sanitary items were expensive, periods annoying, and her flow was light this seemed like a reasonable option. However, when I told her about the risk of death (yes I said death; as in going to meet Baba God and Saint Peter) (more…)

I recently found myself having to defend women to a group of men who thought feminism was women whining unnecessarily. I attempted to bring the cause of feminism to the grassroots. I attempted to make them consider the case of the girl child in the developing world. I tried to help them understand that when young girls are uneducated, forced into child marriage and oppressed; feminism was the voice they needed. I was ridiculed as another feminist, ‘anti-men’, ‘a wannabe man’, ‘having penis envy’; and it hit me, I did not care. (more…)

Silence the voices


Never miss a post

Subscribe to receive new posts in your inbox and make my day! I promise not to spam.

I know he loves you. I know that is what he said, I know he claimed he would give the world to you. I know that is what you felt. I know your mother took it too, abuse in another form. I know they said men are cruel, I know you listened when the elders whispered. I know your skin is not made of wood, I know your bones are not made of steel. I know your heart is a soft haven, it was never made of stone. I know you want to be strong, I know you want to make it work. But I also know that dying before your time is not and will never be a sign of strength. (more…)

I wrote an article a few weeks ago as part of a six part fiction series ‘A Collection of Scars’, one of the monologues revolved around Zainab, a young woman who was unhappy in life, marriage and motherhood. Zainab was suffering from low mood, lack of motivation and low self-esteem; she diagnosed herself as depressed. When I read through the comment section on TNC where it was initially published, one thing was clear based on my interpretation of the words left below, many people interpreted suffering in different ways. (more…)

Pastor Adeboye, the general overseer of the RCCG, recently spoke to the youths of his church. He made some statements regarding marriage and the internet has been filled with memes and videos mocking him for his statements, while middle-aged people sit silently and observe. Women are arguing that his sermon propagates the oppression of females in the home. According to a recent poll involving Nigerian men, they report these men desire only sex from a future wife, but I disagree with that; because sex is cheap in today’s world, marriage is not. His message has caused a stir, but I am not certain why. Do you know why? (more…)

The first time I heard the words above, I was listening to the song of the same title from the Musical ‘Jesus Christ Superstar‘. Mary Magdalene in the play was referring to her inability to understand why Jesus, a man, required a different kind of love than other men she had previously known. She explained that He said he loved her without her needing to give Him anything first and as a result, she was unsure of how to love Him in return. I find that many of us are in the same situation. (more…)

Recently, I had a conversation wth a friend on the difference between vulnerability and being needy. The point was raised that women who try not to be needy inadvertently create walls that prevent them from being vulnerable in relationships. The other party in this conversation stated that modern women and feminists were so independent, that vulnerability in relationships did not exist. I thought that statement was biassed, I listened silently and desperately wanted to search for the definition of vulnerability. When I had an opportunity to explore, this is what I found. (more…)

Salewa,
Why are you crying?
Why are you seating in your room weeping?

Salewa,
Life was not meant for this
Wallowing all day in self pity.
Salewa you were not made for this,
To moan and groan in agony.
Salewa your father did not create this,
a woman made for trampling feet. (more…)

Sharing is how we feel connected. It is how we know that we are not alone in this big scary world. Sharing our stories is our way of testifying, and that is how we overcome adversity. It provides someone else comfort in their storm. I recently read Frances Okoro write about her abortions and the backlash she received from her family as a result. It caused me to ponder on the two-edged sword that comes with sharing and how it affects women in particular. (more…)

I recently realised something about failure that I had never previously understood, and that was the part of acceptance. I have often been one to try to understand the reason behind the failing, or to dissect the episode thoroughly until I find the fault. However, I have been finding, that failure is a necessary part of life and growth. I recall about two years ago when I received some feedback that made me cry for days, I spoke to my brother about it; and he said to me; ‘So?’. He asked me why I thought the feedback was such a problem, and why I had allowed it to affect me so much that I wanted to hide in a corner and run away from my life. He doesn’t know it, but his attitude that day helped me to see things in a different light. (more…)

I have always championed women and our right to freedom, liberty and choice. However this past week, I began to consider an aspect of feminism that I had not reflected on before. Men and their rights. Hear me out, the entire concept of human rights stems from men and their choices. Their ability to choose and make a name for themselves is what created the world in which we live. Men were termed the ‘stronger’ sex because 4000 years ago we literarily needed them to go out to fight lions and bears to put a roof over our heads and food on our tables. 4000 years ago it was expected that a man harvests a forest and build a house with his bare hands. It was his responsibility to hunt then and kill a pig and bring that pig home so his wife could cook the bacon he will eat. In that age, the woman needed to stay at home, because the roles were clearly defined and to be fair it sounds like she got a fair deal. However, with the advent of modern science and industrial farming, I do not personally know a man who can farm a forest and build a house. (more…)

I recently read a post by MissO, where she lamented on her search for ‘the one’. She also wrote about knowing what she wanted in a future spouse. I began to think perhaps ‘he’ was out there, that looking for ‘Almost perfect’ was not so silly after all. The man she described appears perfect superficially, however, on deeper thought, he is likely to be a work in progress. I am assuming that what sets him apart from his counterparts is his willingness to be better. His desire to be the man his woman wants him to be is what makes him ‘the one’. Then I asked myself, does that not make him ‘Mr Perfect’ does that not make him ‘Mr Right?’ And if it makes him Mr Right, is that not a fallacy? (more…)

Recently, the Youtube sensation Adanna-David posted a photo of herself breastfeeding on Instagram. She wrote a caption chastising people who gave her an evil stare in an attempt to rebuke her actions; as with such public statements, some praised her while others disagreed with her sentiments. I recall sitting at the airport in Calabar (Nigeria) a few years ago as I observed a young mother was sat in the boarding area attempting to feed her baby. She had draped herself in an Ankara sheet as a show of modesty. As she struggled with a baby who did not enjoy the sheet, an elderly woman walked up to her and pulled the sheet off. (more…)

The above topic is a controversial subject, especially in African Christian circles. As soon as such a statement is uttered people bind and cast the devil and his agents. Aunties say things like ‘watch your mouth’, ‘you must marry by force’, ‘God forbid evil’, the chastisement continues and the utterer is silenced. However, the reason behind their statement is never addressed; nobody ever asks ‘why?’ and when they do, they never listen when an answer is given. (more…)

I recently found a card written to me by one of my friends, the note was at least three years old. She wrote simply about the importance of our friendship and how it played a comforting role in her life. It reminded me of the beauty of sisterhood, and the importance of having women supporting each other. Upon reflection on her words, I realised that I was better for having female friends. There is something remarkable about sisterhood. When I say sisterhood, I refer to all the women in your life; mothers, sisters, friends, cousins, mentors. Every woman leaves an indelible mark on the life and heart of other women she encounters. There is something to be shared and valued in the bond of sisterhood. When sisterhood is done right, we can find safety, security and friendship. I remember a woman once saying to me that she was friends with men only as women had the predisposition to be malevolent. I saw the truth in her words, but I also saw a woman who did not have support. (more…)