I recently had a conversation with some friends about love. The consensus was that true love did not exist. These women were of a wide range of racial and social classes; their common denominator was heartbreak. As I attempted to encourage them that love did exist, they asked me to define love. In my attempt to define it to them, I had to ask myself certain questions. What does love mean? What does it look like? What kinds of love exist anyway and which was the most important kind of love to have? Because I feel that we have been lied to by most mainstream media, Eros may not be the greatest love of all. (more…)

The word ‘bitch’ has been used to refer to women worldwide as a result of their ability to succeed. Women instead of being called ‘boss’ are called ‘bossy’ and rather than being called successful, they are being called ‘bitchy’. Most successful women worldwide have been called a bitch at one point or another in their lifetime, and this cuts across most cultural barriers. After all someone said ‘well behaved girls rarely make history.’

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The first time I heard the words above, I was listening to the song of the same title from the Musical ‘Jesus Christ Superstar‘. Mary Magdalene in the play was referring to her inability to understand why Jesus, a man, required a different kind of love than other men she had previously known. She explained that He said he loved her without her needing to give Him anything first and as a result, she was unsure of how to love Him in return. I find that many of us are in the same situation. (more…)

Recently, I had a conversation wth a friend on the difference between vulnerability and being needy. The point was raised that women who try not to be needy inadvertently create walls that prevent them from being vulnerable in relationships. The other party in this conversation stated that modern women and feminists were so independent, that vulnerability in relationships did not exist. I thought that statement was biassed, I listened silently and desperately wanted to search for the definition of vulnerability. When I had an opportunity to explore, this is what I found. (more…)

I recently found a card written to me by one of my friends, the note was at least three years old. She wrote simply about the importance of our friendship and how it played a comforting role in her life. It reminded me of the beauty of sisterhood, and the importance of having women supporting each other. Upon reflection on her words, I realised that I was better for having female friends. There is something remarkable about sisterhood. When I say sisterhood, I refer to all the women in your life; mothers, sisters, friends, cousins, mentors. Every woman leaves an indelible mark on the life and heart of other women she encounters. There is something to be shared and valued in the bond of sisterhood. When sisterhood is done right, we can find safety, security and friendship. I remember a woman once saying to me that she was friends with men only as women had the predisposition to be malevolent. I saw the truth in her words, but I also saw a woman who did not have support. (more…)

image credit: jessicathompson.ca

image credit: jessicathompson.ca

Over the past few weeks, I have become aware of how many relationships come to an end. Family relationships, friendships and romantic entanglements, even work relationships. Many times, we assume the feelings of others based on our incorrect presumptions. We need to remember that our feelings belong to us and us alone. Assuming that others share our opinion is plain foolishness and it is bound to breed conflict. This is how it goes; you assume something, you jump to a conclusion based on an incorrect assumption, the then you act based on a false assumption, you get a result based on your incorrect assumption. You repeat that cycle enough times, you lose your relationship. If X is not angry, do not say she is angry. If Y is not cheating on you, do not say he is cheating. If A tells you she is ok, accept that she is ok. I repeat this, do not ignorantly walk yourself into conflict. Here are the rules when your inner ‘cray-cray’ starts to jump like a Kangaroo; (more…)

image credit: heritage art.com

image credit: heritage art.com

The proverb goes; “show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are” another one goes; “birds of the same feather flock together”. Growing up, I heard those proverbs repeatedly. I initially assumed that avoiding the gathering of the ‘bad cliques’ was sufficient. However, I have come to learn that avoiding evil is not directly proportional to doing good. Have you examined your friends lately? Do you like what you see? Because you are what they are. (more…)

Image Credit; WAK

Image Credit; WAK

Let us talk about love today. In recent times, I have heard people, females mostly claim to have lost the love of their lives, declaring they loved once and will never love again. These people all claim that ‘the one’ came and left and there will not be another ‘one’. However, when you listen to their stories, it is evident that often there is a reason ‘the one’ did not stay, or ‘the one’ was not a good one. There are approximately 7 billion people on the earth, do you really believe that only one of them is the one? If you do, then do you live your life based on serendipity alone? Because that’s the only way to believe in the myth of the one! (more…)

Credit: Sunflower Dreams by WAK

Credit: Sunflower Dreams by WAK

Dear Illusion,

Do not assume that because I seem strong I am so
When cut I bleed red too
I have seen it, and blood is not cute
If you hate me, tell me, I’ll learn to deal
If you want me, tell me, I’ll take that too
Do not use me as predators do
Do not come here and trample on my heart
This life is a garden I have been tending to
I have nurtured it and protected it
The flower that blooms is the only one I have
Do not come to take it away
Do not thrill me and take me for a ride
Do not use me only to dispose of me like rags
If you do not need me and do not want me
Do not come close do not approach
I was fine before I stumbled upon you
I was alone, but never lonely
My secrets kept me company
My dreams kept me alive
Do not come here to take my life
Do not come here selling false hope
I was me before I met you
Please leave quickly if you intend to
So I can still be me when you are gone

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Photo Credit: Manasseh Art

Photo Credit: Manasseh Art

A few days ago, I noticed a police officer driving on his own in an official car. I had to look closer, to examine the situation, yet I was right, he was in fact alone. I found that to be strange scenario because just like turtle doves, police officers often come in pairs; companionship is important. Travelling in pairs is a well-known safety measure, this ensures each officer has a backup in the form of a partner. A friend, a helping hand, a witness, a support mechanism. Just like the animals going into Noah’s Ark, doing life ‘two by two’ is always a good idea. (more…)