I recently had a conversation with some friends about love. The consensus was that true love did not exist. These women were of a wide range of racial and social classes; their common denominator was heartbreak. As I attempted to encourage them that love did exist, they asked me to define love. In my attempt to define it to them, I had to ask myself certain questions. What does love mean? What does it look like? What kinds of love exist anyway and which was the most important kind of love to have? Because I feel that we have been lied to by most mainstream media, Eros may not be the greatest love of all. (more…)

If you haven’t seen the foreverduncan hashtag, where have you been? African American women have been raving about this for the past week, so much so that African women worldwide have joined in the frenzy. #foreverduncan is the tag that has followed Alfred Duncan, who proposed to his girlfriend Sherrell at noon and surprised her with a wedding at 6pm on the same day. Videos of their union spread over the internet like wild fire, you can see Sherrell crying tears of joy as she is overwhelmed with emotion. Yes, I admit I was one of the women who watched the video in awe and admiration, that was before the memes started overflowing. When the memes arrived, I had to laugh because let’s face it, men of African and Caribbean descent have had a tough time proving their manhood. (more…)

The word ‘bitch’ has been used to refer to women worldwide as a result of their ability to succeed. Women instead of being called ‘boss’ are called ‘bossy’ and rather than being called successful, they are being called ‘bitchy’. Most successful women worldwide have been called a bitch at one point or another in their lifetime, and this cuts across most cultural barriers. After all someone said ‘well behaved girls rarely make history.’

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I know he loves you. I know that is what he said, I know he claimed he would give the world to you. I know that is what you felt. I know your mother took it too, abuse in another form. I know they said men are cruel, I know you listened when the elders whispered. I know your skin is not made of wood, I know your bones are not made of steel. I know your heart is a soft haven, it was never made of stone. I know you want to be strong, I know you want to make it work. But I also know that dying before your time is not and will never be a sign of strength. (more…)

I wrote an article a few weeks ago as part of a six part fiction series ‘A Collection of Scars’, one of the monologues revolved around Zainab, a young woman who was unhappy in life, marriage and motherhood. Zainab was suffering from low mood, lack of motivation and low self-esteem; she diagnosed herself as depressed. When I read through the comment section on TNC where it was initially published, one thing was clear based on my interpretation of the words left below, many people interpreted suffering in different ways. (more…)

Pastor Adeboye, the general overseer of the RCCG, recently spoke to the youths of his church. He made some statements regarding marriage and the internet has been filled with memes and videos mocking him for his statements, while middle-aged people sit silently and observe. Women are arguing that his sermon propagates the oppression of females in the home. According to a recent poll involving Nigerian men, they report these men desire only sex from a future wife, but I disagree with that; because sex is cheap in today’s world, marriage is not. His message has caused a stir, but I am not certain why. Do you know why? (more…)

I did not see this moment coming, or perhaps I was told it was coming, but I ignored the signs and the warnings. Daniel and I met when I was four years out of university; I was a late bloomer in the love department. I had been running away from marriage. I did not understand the construct and why it was so important. I was accused of withholding my mother’s joy, ‘Ijo Ayo’ she called it. Then Daniel happened, and all hell broke loose. (more…)

The first time I heard the words above, I was listening to the song of the same title from the Musical ‘Jesus Christ Superstar‘. Mary Magdalene in the play was referring to her inability to understand why Jesus, a man, required a different kind of love than other men she had previously known. She explained that He said he loved her without her needing to give Him anything first and as a result, she was unsure of how to love Him in return. I find that many of us are in the same situation. (more…)

Recently, I had a conversation wth a friend on the difference between vulnerability and being needy. The point was raised that women who try not to be needy inadvertently create walls that prevent them from being vulnerable in relationships. The other party in this conversation stated that modern women and feminists were so independent, that vulnerability in relationships did not exist. I thought that statement was biassed, I listened silently and desperately wanted to search for the definition of vulnerability. When I had an opportunity to explore, this is what I found. (more…)

Salewa,
Why are you crying?
Why are you seating in your room weeping?

Salewa,
Life was not meant for this
Wallowing all day in self pity.
Salewa you were not made for this,
To moan and groan in agony.
Salewa your father did not create this,
a woman made for trampling feet. (more…)

Sharing is how we feel connected. It is how we know that we are not alone in this big scary world. Sharing our stories is our way of testifying, and that is how we overcome adversity. It provides someone else comfort in their storm. I recently read Frances Okoro write about her abortions and the backlash she received from her family as a result. It caused me to ponder on the two-edged sword that comes with sharing and how it affects women in particular. (more…)

When I read an article on TNC recently my heart sunk yet again as I faced the reality that it is, in fact, a man’s world. Women have been fighting for almost a century for equal rights in the feminist movement. Feminism is millennia old, as women like Guinevere and Lady Godiva remind us that women have always been termed the weaker vessel.

The article I read aimed to remind women that when a man decides to be married, his past does not matter. His past and current relationship status is not a factor to be considered. Time is irrelevant and his current relationship status is immaterial and not a factor in his decision-making process. The article so well written served as a bitter reminder that the old school warning of  ‘girlfriend material vs. wife material’ was never an old wives tale. The writer (male) reminded women that a man’s desire to marry is based on his innate feelings and it is at the point he decides to marry that he makes a choice of wife. The man who is ready to be married decides what he wants in a wife and goes out to find it, and put a ring on it. As a result, a woman in a relationship with said man may not be considered even though she had been ‘the one’ for decades. (more…)

A few weeks ago it was my birthday, and I got a rather strange text message from an unexpected member of my extended family. After extending me the generic birthday greetings, she went on to write; ‘I am expecting a wedding invite’. Seeing as no one has taken yams or wine to my parents, I knew it was another; ‘when will you marry’ question, reformatted. I was like;image
I was not expecting that; it seemed like an unnecessary statement from someone I did not communicate with on a regular basis. An encyclopaedia should be written about marriage and the Nigerian female. When a young lady is in school, she is advised to ‘face her studies,’ apparently, all men are a distraction. However, upon graduation from higher education, it is expected that she present her husband-to-be to her family. My question is this, where exactly is said female supposed to find such a fellow?

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Image Credit; WAK

Image Credit; WAK

Let us talk about love today. In recent times, I have heard people, females mostly claim to have lost the love of their lives, declaring they loved once and will never love again. These people all claim that ‘the one’ came and left and there will not be another ‘one’. However, when you listen to their stories, it is evident that often there is a reason ‘the one’ did not stay, or ‘the one’ was not a good one. There are approximately 7 billion people on the earth, do you really believe that only one of them is the one? If you do, then do you live your life based on serendipity alone? Because that’s the only way to believe in the myth of the one! (more…)

Credit: Henry lee battle- this too shall pass

Credit: Henry lee battle- this too shall pass

Sefi Atta! What can I say? A beautifully written and absolutely engaging novel that captivates the mind of the reader. Everything good will come is packed with so much action that the rapid reader may easily omit a few pivotal moments. These moments reveal Mike and his philandering ways, Enitan’s stint in prison, and the beauty that is conveyed in the restoration of a mother-daughter relationship.

Rape, I hate that word. Enitan was exposed to the violence and pain that results when men take what they want without hesitation. Enitan witnessed the rape of her childhood friend Sheri. Like many girls her age Sheri wanted to feel older than she was, but like many girls before her, when pain came, she cowered her head in shame. Nigerian society is not routinely designed to favour and defend the woman, and when it does, pity is all it offers. Sheri as a Nigerian girl knew this, she did what many girls had done before her, she inserted a clothing hanger into her womb. She wanted to expel an unwanted child. I grew up hearing tales of clothes hangers that found their way into the wombs of girls, yet reading Sheri’s story was fresh and palpable in some way. She became barren as a result, a barren woman is not a woman by Nigerian standards. (more…)

I have to admit it, but I’ve been in a very ‘in love’ mood lately. As friends from school say the words above and wedding bells ring all around me, I have found myself basking in the glow of love! This song just keeps coming to mind and I thought to share it with you!
Yes, I’m a bit of an old soul, my dad listened to a lot of music when I was young, and I have his taste in music. Have a good weekend. Hope you are feeling the love too! If you’re not, don’t be too afraid to search it out!!

Rainy Days in Istanbul

Welcome to Damiloves.com

I’m so happy to finally begin this blogging journey and I’m glad you’ve decided to come along for the ride.
Rainer Maria Rilke said; “the only journey is the one within”, as a traveller I find that quote to be apt. Each time I go somewhere new, I inevitably learn something significant about myself, my character and my ability to deal with a variety of situations.
I hope to further explore the things I love from travel to photography, cooking and much more, I am certain this list will expand.
So I invite you to join me as I begin this journey and share with you the things that make me smile, please get comfortable because I’m going to.