I must confess, I do not watch many Nigerian movies. I did not grow up watching them, as they were known to contain a lot of spiritually unhealthy content at the time. However, as I have grown, the Nigerian film industry has grown as well. A lot of the movies being produced have morally beneficial content and are at par with international contemporaries. This was why my friend and I were keen to go see ‘when love happens’ last weekend. We were pleased that a Nigerian movie was being screened in a main stream cinema, and we thought we should be patriotic.

The movie told the tale of Mo, a successful young woman in search of love. Unbeknownst to her, her male best friend had been in love with her for several years. He had seen her go and several dates, and suffer heartbreak, whilst he sat quietly in the corner, listening to her tales. Eventually a kiss opens the eyes of her heart and she realises that all she’d ever wanted was in front of her all along. The end.

The movie itself was average, but it has inspired subject matter for today’s chit-chat; Unrequited love.

A man who hangs around a beautiful girl without saying a word ends up fetching water on her wedding.
Alur- Ugandan Proverb

I came across the proverb above a few years ago and I found it to be simple yet true. But in typical Dami style, I saw two sides to the story. After all most occurrences in life will be misunderstood if looking from only one point of view. So I have analysed the proverb from the man’s point of view, and the woman’s point of view.

1) The man that cannot communicate
Forgive me for saying this, but I often find that men who do not come forward to express their interest can be very annoying. Allow me to explain, if a man does not come clean to clearly say; ‘ I like you’, how is said female supposed to know that he does? Obviously there are many reasons that men refuse to communicate i.e. Fear or rejection, the presence of several suitors, unsure of his own intent, and finally wickedness. Yes! I said it, wickedness. Some men do not realise that women will petition a panel of friends just to understand the meaning of his one line text messages and lack of telephone calls. Yes, it is wickedness.

2) Fear of rejection
But then there is the man that cannot articulate his feelings out of fear of rejection. She cannot give you a chance if she has no clue! In the words of Oreka Godis I will advice; “write a letter, put it in a song, just tell her”. If she rejects you, so be it! You have to mourn the loss and move on. You cannot force someone to accept your love and admiration. If rejected, there is some guidance on how to cope here.

3) Friend Zone
Men that are friendzoned are usually friend zoned for a reason, figure it out and see if you can change her point of view. Being in the friend zone and being a friend are very different. If you are a friend, your chances of ending up together are better than if you have been friend zoned. Permit me to educate you;

Friend= I like you and value your presence in my life
Friend zoned= I feel bad for turning you down so, let’s be ‘friends’

Please note, if she does not reply your text messages, you have not been friend zoned; you have been excommunicated

[Tweet “if she does not reply your text messages, you have been excommunicated”]

Image credit WAK

Image credit WAK

4) The hurt woman
This woman has been hurt in someway and is afraid of further heartbreak. So to protect herself, she has put her heart in bubble wrap, put it in a cardboard box, then in a titanium box, locked it and put away the key. She still has a heart, it’s just hidden somewhere, but you have to find the key. Unfortunately, there is no formula for this one, you just have to find the key! Good luck.

5)She wants someone else
This is a common phenomenon, a young female holding onto a flame for someone who doesn’t want her, whilst inadvertently ignoring someone desperately in love with her. Let me allow Poetolu to explain your options with this illustration and poem.

Image credit: Tolu Akinyemi

Image credit: Tolu Akinyemi

6) I would like to like you
I am going to do a post on this subject in the near future, but here is a snippet. You’d like to like her, but you’re not sure she’d like the same. She’d like to like you, but she’s not sure you’d like the same. Your relationship is stuck in limbo because neither of you can communicate and she won’t chase you because she’s not that kind of feminist. My advice, get over your fear of rejection, call her, articulate yourself, find the key to her heart and avoid the friend zone. Chances are she is stalking you on all sorts of social media platforms and wishing it is you calling each time her phone buzzes. Do not be the man in the proverb!

Wisdom is profitable to direct Ecc 10:10

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Dami loves love😍
Until next time!!

Image credit; Pinterest